Book review: Suicidal: Why We Kill Ourselves

Suicidal: Why We Kill Ourselves by psychologist Jesse Bering is an attempt to make sense of the complex phenomenon of suicide from a variety of different angles including psychological, biological, spiritual, and evolutionary. The author admits that he takes an intellectualized, scientific perspective to try to gain a broader understanding, and he does a good job of examining both the strengths and weaknesses of various ideas on the subject. He encourages the reader to set preconceptions aside and consider the array of different experiences of those who struggle with suicidality. He also brings to the table his own “recurring compulsion to end my life, which flares up like a sore tooth at the whims of bad fortune”.

The book covers a broad range of biopsychosocial contributors to suicide risk. Some information may be familiar to the reader, such as the genetic component to suicide risk, while other information may be new, including anthropological evidence that indicates that suicide occurs across many different cultural groups. The risk of suicide contagion is also discussed, and the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why is considered in this context.

Certain phrases in the book resonated very strongly with me and my own experience with suicidality. Bering writes: “For the truly suicidal, consciousness is incapacitating.” He also writes about the agonizing slowness of time when one feels suicidal, part of a process called cognitive deconstruction: “When each new dawn welcomes what feels like an eternity of mental anguish, the yawning expanse between youth and old age might as well be interminable Hell itself.”

This is not a book that sidesteps around the grim reality of suicidality. The author points out the while suicide may appear to come out of nowhere, this is because of the tendency to stay silent about our own unravelling. He also acknowledges the reality that sometimes people will find themselves in “very tricky situations where, frankly, it’s hard not to see suicide as a rational decision”. He expressed his view that over-emphasis on the semantics of suicide does nothing to actually combat the problem of suicide, and may potentially restrict discourse. While this may be controversial, I’m actually inclined to agree with him.

The book includes some controversial and even distasteful ideas, but they are presented in a way that seems geared to inform and examine rather than persuade. Bering cites one researcher who suggested that from a purely ecological perspective, suicide could be considered adaptive, as it may not ultimately affect the likelihood of that person’s genes propagating. He also mentions the view (although he disagrees with it) that depression results from social problems, and “should abate when a problem is perceived to be truly unsolvable”. The two researchers that put forward this idea described suicide attempts as a sort of trading card to be played to motivate those close to them to help, something one anthropologist referred to this as the “social bargaining hypothesis”.

One chapter that disturbed me examined the diary left behind on the laptop of a 17-year-old girl who killed herself, which the parents had shared with the author. It is considered in terms of a theoretical perspective of the stages of suicidality. To me this felt like a profound invasion of privacy, and I would be horrified at the idea of my journal being shared with the world if I were to die by suicide. It was not the content of the diary that I found distressing, but the fact that these were her most private, vulnerable thoughts not intended to be shared.

A chapter I found fascinating looked at suicide in the context of religion. The author explains that the Christian bible actually does not explicitly mention suicide, and takes a matter of fact tone with regards to the suicide of such biblical figures as Judas, King Saul, and Samson. The Catholic church took a strong stance in the fifth century when St. Augustine deemed suicide to be a sin; later in 1485 Saint Thomas Aquinas declared suicide to be one of the worst mortal sins. The Islamic hadith (sayings of the prophet Mohammed) denounce suicide, and in several Muslim countries attempting suicide is a criminal offense. Hindu scriptures are ambiguous regarding suicide, but for centuries there was an expectation that widows should self-immolate on their husband’s funeral pyre. The chapter covered a range of other religious traditions, and presented facts rather than making religious arguments.

In the acknowledgements at the end of the book, the author admits he was having thoughts of suicide when he began the book, but found the writing of it cathartic. I was actually experiencing suicidal thoughts as I read the book, but perhaps surprisingly I didn’t find it overly triggering. I freely admit to being very much a geek, and the intellectual aspect of this book certainly connected to that inner geek. It was highly informative without having any of the dryness and impersonality an an academic work. I would definitely recommend this book for anyone who’s interested in finding out more about the phenomenon of suicidality from a broad perspective.

I received a reviewer copy of this book from the publisher through

Originally published at on November 21, 2018.

Mental health blogger | Former MH nurse | Living with depression | Author of 3 books, latest is Managing the Depression Puzzle |