If it’s not in front of me then it doesn’t exist

Image for post
Image for post

I’m not sure why searching for “blind” on Pixabay turned up this leaping llama, but he is spectacular, so llama it is.

I used to have a decent memory. I used to be good at handling multiple pieces of information and task-switching.

Depression put the kibosh on that.

Now, I have a really hard time with spontaneous recall, in the sense of being able to fish things out of my head on command. That means I have to find ways to compensate.

In my kitchen, that means that food lives on the counter rather than in the cupboards. If I can’t see it in front of me, I won’t remember that it’s there.

If there are things that I need to take with me when I’m going somewhere (other than my purse, which is a deeply ingrained habit), I set them by the front door so that I wouldn’t be able to get to the door without stepping over them.

I’m okay with remembering my bedtime meds, since I need them to sleep, but morning meds not so much. So I’ll stick the little bag containing my pills in the middle of the bedroom floor, which makes it hard (although not impossible) not to notice them.

On my computer, it’s always a bit of a struggle to find a balance between having things open so I don’t forget they exist, and not having so many things open that I get overwhelmed. My Apple Notes app is kind of my control centre. I like it because each note can contain quite a bit of information that I can see all in one view. That’s import because even in the short time it takes to switch to a different note, I may well have forgotten the bit of information I was trying to keep in mind.

Right now I’ve got 3 tabs open in one browser and 6 tabs open in another. That can get a bit overwhelming sometimes, but they’re things that I don’t want to remind myself to think about. Social media, for example — I don’t tend to use them all that much, but if they’re not open they may not cross my mind at all.

If a new idea pops into my head, I need to write it down immediately, or else it’s gone. Sometimes, that interrupts whatever tasks I was doing at the time, and by the time I deal with whatever new thing has popped into my head, I’m fuzzy on what I was doing in the first place. It can end up being rather inefficient, but such is life.

I also spend/waste time looking around my room, my computer desktop, or whatever to see if there’s anything that will cue me about something I’ve forgotten.

I miss having a brain that worked well!

Originally published at https://mentalhealthathome.org on October 15, 2019.

Written by

Mental health blogger | MH Nurse | Living with depression | Author of 3 books, latest is Managing the Depression Puzzle | mentalhealthathome.org

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store