What Would You Teach Your Kids About Sex?

How I would do it differently from my parents’ say nothing approach

Image by Jerzy Górecki from Pixabay

May I start off by saying — Pixabay has a remarkably large selection of photos of ladybugs (and manbugs?) getting it on.

Anyway, moving right along. This is mostly a rhetorical question for me, since I don’t have kids and most likely never will have any. Still, it’s interesting to contemplate — how would you talk to kids (your own or otherwise) about sex?

My parents never gave me a sex talk. I first found out about sex from a book about the human body that my parents gave me that they didn’t actually realize covered sex among the assorted other bodily functions and activities. Luckily the sex ed teacher at school was a public health nurse who did a good job of the basics.

I don’t think I would have wanted my parents to give me a sex talk. Presumably my parents have had sex at some point in their lifetime, but I have no desire to think about it. I’m sure my parents have just as little desire to know about my sex life.

I think that’s where the cool aunt/uncle or similar figure can come into the equation. The fact that a non-parental adult has sex, or at least knows about it, seems more palatable than if it were the parents. And I think I would feel a lot more comfortable giving my brother’s kids (when he has them) the birds and the bees talk than I would my own.

It’s important that kids hear not just about the mechanics and the health issues like STDs, but also about things like sexting and consent. Kids are bombarded with societal messages about what’s expected to fit in, where their worth lies, and what labels are used for what perceived behaviours (e.g. “slut”). If our kids are hearing these messages without having them balanced out by realistic messages from trusting adults, that’s a problem.

We also need to make sure kids have accurate information about preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection. Stayteen.org has an “ask us anything” section, and the number of misconceptions about sex is frightening. One myth is that anal sex is a safe way to avoid pregnancy, when in fact it’s a very high risk activity for sexually transmitted infections. I suspect having a chat about anal sex would be a lot easier as the cool aunt/uncle rather than as the parent.

We can stick our heads in the sand and hope that kids aren’t going to have sex as teenagers, but chances are we’d be wrong. A 2017 press release from Planned Parenthood says that more than half of U.S. teens are sexually active by age 18. I think we’re far better off giving them the information to be as safe as possible whatever situations they may find themselves in.

And as much as we don’t want to think of our kids being victims of sexual assault, we need to convey this message to them:

Whether it’s the parent conveying the message or someone else, we owe it to our kids to prepare them the best we can for a world that’s not all rainbows and unicorns. Knowledge is power, and knowledge helps kids to stay safe and recognize that it’s ok to set and enforce their own limits. If we don’t provide kids with a comprehensive knowledge base around sex, we are disempowering them. We can do better than that.

Originally published at http://mentalhealthathome.org on July 23, 2019.

Mental health blogger | Former MH nurse | Living with depression | Author of 3 books, latest is Managing the Depression Puzzle | mentalhealthathome.org

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